Saturday, November 1, 2008

I'm not pregnant

I'm doing things right. Not to imply in ANY way shape or form that any other way is wrong, but mine is the socially acceptable "right" way. I got married first. I got married at 26. I got married to a man I had known since HS but he wasn't my HS boyfriend. I was not pregnant when I got married. I didn't have have a child before I got married. Like I said, the socially-accepted "right" way. (I know MANY MANY people who may have done things "backwards" but ddn't let anyone hold them down or make them feel ashamed and are AWESOME mothers, fathers, and people in general!)

So why does everyone make a big deal out of the fact that I don't have kids yet? Yes, I'm about to turn 31, no I don't have children of my own. Yes, I love children, that's part of why I'm a teacher. Yes, my husband loves children too, you should see him play with our baby nephews. No, I don't want to have this conversation with you.

Why do people think it's OK to ask when/if I'm going to have a child? Maybe we aren't ready yet. Maybe I can't have children. Maybe my husband can't. Maybe we don't want to bring kids into this crazy world. Maybe Hubby and I are trying with no success so far. And maybe, just maybe, It's None Of Your Business!

Every time I'm tired/sick/hungry/have a headache someone asks me if I'm pregnant. No, I'm just tired/sick/hungry/have a headache for crying out loud! Pregnant women may hold the monopoly on Ice Cream and Pickle Sandwiches, but not on being tired/sick/hungry/having headaches!

Why is it that babies and pregnancy seem to imply "come jump right into my personal space and life?" If it is a choice, then it is our choice and you implying that we should have made a different choice is offencive. If we can't/haven't been able to yet, then it is possibly a very hurtful subject that you keep bringing up. I obviously don't want to talk about it with you or I already would have, so your continually bringing it up to me is offencive.

If a conversation of kids comes up, it is not offencive to ask, "Do you and your husband ever think about having kids?" At least, I find nothing offencive about a simple question. The offencive part comes when you continually ask, and when you ask in a way in which it seems like you are accusing me of not doing something that, as a woman, you see as my "job" or "lot in life."

Ugh...just thinking about it is giving me a headache. And no...I'M NOT PREGNANT, but I'll let you know if/when I am!

Rant over.


Elizabeth said...

Love it. Love that you're ranting. Love that it's about a subject that is SO relevant. (especially to 30 year olds like us whose paths thus far apparently aren't the "norm") Love that you encounter the same kinds of questioning people I do. Love the similarities I "hear" in your words and my own life. I'm in total agreement with the way you think and feel on this topic! It's so nice to know I'm not alone... Thanks for sharing!

P.S. I realize that "love" is way overused in our society - including in this comment - and while it's fullest, deepest meaning isn't intended here (and therefore I probably shouldn't use it) "love it" was simply my first response to your thoughts... so I ran with it.

Elizabeth said...

One more thought...

I got married just a few months before my 23rd birthday. The "everybody thinks you're pregnant every time you're tired" phase hit around years 25-28. Makes sense that you got married at 26 and now almost 5 years later everyone is wondering. When you get to 6.5 years or so people sort of stop asking... now at 8+ years I think most of them have given up. :)